Balancing Love and Discipline

Marge and Bernie have two kids, Sharon, 16 and David, 14. They cannot figure out where they went wrong in their parenting. They showed love equally to both children growing up, giving them “everything” they wanted, and enrolling them in whatever activities they chose. They didn’t believe in consequences for negative behavior mainly because their parents were not disciplinarians and they’d turned out ok (or so they thought). Yet, Sharon and David do not seem to respect them. They talk back to them, disobey house rules, constantly complain and criticize them and demand privileges. Where did they go wrong?

When parents are successfully able to balance love and discipline, teens feel secure, valued and loved. And at the same time they learn important values like respect and self-control. Teens feel safe and confident when they know what their parents expect, and the consequences for breaking the rules. They also feel secure knowing that their parents love them unconditionally, that they are free to make mistakes, even to fail and yet not lose their affection and acceptance. This important balance of love and discipline will ultimately lead to success in school, work and relationships.

In my work as a Christian therapist, I help parents navigate this delicate balance from a Christ-centered perspective. This goal is sometimes more challenging because each teen is different. I help parents to understand their teen’s unique personality, strengths and weaknesses, in order for them to be sensitive to their child’s specific needs.